How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
