All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
