I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
