i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
