Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
