Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk is not a location!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
