I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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