Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?

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(678): View more from Georgia

Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.

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(315): View more from New York

Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.

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(914): View more from New York

I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken

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(646): View more from New York

In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth

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(773): View more from Illinois

We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

What about the best friend?

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