I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
