when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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