yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize