In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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