Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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