you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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