Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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