True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
