Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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