so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
