My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
