ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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