shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
