Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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