we made out on top of his cat.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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