it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
