that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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