I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
