I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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