How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
