i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
