Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize