Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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(718): View more from New York

He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.

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(516): View more from New York

I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

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(813): View more from Florida

I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

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(206): View more from Washington

I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.

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(845): View more from New York

Did you make it home alright?

(1-845): View more from New York

No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.

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