You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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