literally had 100 drinks last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't just leave with hair like that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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