I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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