my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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