Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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