How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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