somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
