I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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