haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
