All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
