I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize