Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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