Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
