So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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