I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
