you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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