You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
