can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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