Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
