don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
