VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Vodka?
Forever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
