The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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