I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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