why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
