Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
