she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
