the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
