I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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