Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
