Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize