I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
