9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I intend to get homeless drunk
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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