you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
