Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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