I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
