So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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