Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
