my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
