last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I would ride that face into the sunset
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
