In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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