I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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