so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
