believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
