Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
