Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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