I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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