Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
