I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
