i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
