I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And then he peed in my hair
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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