There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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