its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize