What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
