I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
