Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
