i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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